Modest.

The more I say the word modest the more foreign it sounds in my brain. This word had been a part of my life during childhood, my mother always telling me I needed to be more modest and cover up my body. Hide. Then in the same breath she would berate me for wearing baggy clothes and not taking pride in my appearance. 

As a teen I moved away from baggy clothes and embraced crop tops, tight jeans short skirts  and doing anything I could to show off my body and create the illusion of having cleavage (I had nothing in the boob department till I was in my 20s). 

When I started covering my hair about a year ago I also started exploring a more modest style of dress and trying to find a way to dress modestly and still look and feel sexy. I rebelled against my own desire to cover up and did a swing back to my teen years, but now having 2 men in my life who seem to appreciate my modest inclinations and covered hair I am actually starting to feel sexy even when I wear a long sleeved shell, tank and floor length skirt. I had stopped covering my hair over the summer, and really felt like something was missing.  

This was weird to me since covering had been new for me to begin with but this feeling of something missing tells me I am on the right path. I am slowing weeding out my closet and getting rid of a lot of clothes that I just don't feel comfortable in anymore. While modesty seems to usually be a religious concept I struggle finding any community as my desire to dress in a modest fashion isn't influenced by faith. I am still not sure where this journey will take me but I am enjoying the ride.

THIS

Slut Shaming

I keep seeing the apple tree metaphor use to shame girls, and while the above example isn't directly sex shaming it is in act still shaming. This says that some girls are rotten/bad/not good enough for what ever reason. John Oliver brought up the apple tree thing a few weeks back on "Last Week Tonight" while he was talking about sex ed in this country and I just find it to be rage inducing. 

It also says that the girls who wait are superior to girls who don't wait, and also that its ok for boys to pick through the "bad apples" to get to the good ones but girls are to wait around to be picked. 

I hate this shit... Why is it ok for boys? 

Why do girls get told that if they are sexually active or even dating around that they are "rotten" or "bad"?

Boys don't get compared to fruit that is going to rot if its touch. 

Boys are studs, boys are virile, boys are just being boys...

but girls are sluts, whores, sullied, rotten, bad, dirty.

I know this is not a new subject or even news. But this pisses me off. Women are equal to men. We need to end this shit. We need our daughters/ sisters/ mothers etc to know that we are equal. To know that we are not sullied because we enjoy sex, because we enjoy our bodies, because we are friends with boys. We are allowed.

LET ME REPEAT MYSELF.

WE. ARE. ALLOWED. 

Women are allowed to be sexual, social, out going, we are allowed to say NO, we are allowed to be free to talk to boys. We are free to tell someone that we would rather just be friends. We do not own anyone but ourselves. 

Represent

I am not in a polyamorous relationship,  but I am polyamorous.
I am not in a (sexual) relationship with a woman but I am bisexual.
I do not go to a specific church,  but I am spiritual and have faith.
I am still something.
I am still part of a community.
I still deserve representation.

Day 4, 3 liters of water. . .

So... most noticeable change so far, my face is starting to break out...

Lovely.

The burn. . .

I feels it.

Getting Skinny Back

I have decided i want to lose some weight and get back down to the weight i was 8 years ago before i lost my first husband.

I'm currently 197, and while i don't look bad, I'm not super comfortable in my own skin. This is not really about society or anything i just miss my old body.

I'm starting to drink a lot more water, just picked up some home gym equipment and a few supplements.

Posting my before pic today and will update with progress pics.

Much love!

Day 2: performix sst and 3lts of water.

So this is day 2 of my weight loss journey. Yesterday i started taking Performix SST and drinking a crap ton of  water.

Yesterday, I felt good and energized, today I just feel like I have to pee all the time. I'm a little disappointed that I'm not feeling the energy bump i did yesterday. Oh well. Keep on going.

Love y'all
Rose

http://briarrosethorne.tumblr.com/post/121676947899/this-is-the-book-i-wrote

Tuesday Top 5: My top 5 favorite "Ex Boyfriend" Songs

These are the top 5 songs that make me think of ex boyfriends, past relationship, happy or sad.

1. Style - Taylor Swift
Right now this is the top of my list for songs that remind me of an ex. Plus it reminds me of my favorite porn star. Bitter Sweet. 
I say "I've heard that you've been out and about with some other girl"
(Some other girl)
He says "What you've heard is true but I
Can't stop thinking about you and I."
I said "I've been there too a few times"

Read more: Taylor Swift - Style Lyrics | MetroLyrics

2. True Companion - Marc Cohn
This song reminds me of the first husband. He "purposed" to this song. So now I always think of him. It really is a beautiful song. 




3. Gives you Hell - The All American Rejects
This is really a good flying middle finger song, excellent for breakups!




 4. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
The kick ass break up anthem of the 90s. I mean come on, nothing like a woman scorned. 
"And are you thinking of me when you fuck her..."




5. You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
Also harkening back to the 90s, you know that you should be together, you were meant for each other, this song exemplifies this. Hunker down on the couch with that ice cream, and have a good ugly cry while rocking out. 

Tuesday Top 5: My Top Five Sex Toys

1. The Feel-Doe by Tantus - A silicone strapless strap-on, 4 different sizes and colors, both vibrating and not. Also the real-doe, in 3 sizes and realistic. The Feel Doe is a strapless strap-on, the has a bulb that  is inserted into the vagina allowing for stimulation from thrusting. I love this damn thing.

2. The We-Vibe 4 +  - The we vibe cause quite a stir when it came onto the market, currently on its 4th or 5th incarnation, the We-Vibe 4 plus is an awesome toy that is remote controlled, manually controlled or through an app on your phone. Its shaped like a "U" both ends vibrate, one can be inserted vaginally while the other sits on (Or near in my case) your clit. It can be used solo or during sex. My only complaint is that my anatomy isn't super well suited for the distance between the motors.

3. Shibari My Wand 10x - This is a massage wand similar to the hitachi and others like it. This thing is powerful, has different vibration patterns and honestly my go to when I just want to get off quick and move on with my day. Attachments are available for this.

4. Rope - No brand in particular, no type, just love rope. I love being tied up.

5. Riding Crop - This is another generalization, I love to be spanked so this is a wonderful implement for that.

Twitter douche bag

This is the shit women deal with. ..

300 twitter followers!

Holy shit you guys... thats crazy. I mean I know there are people out there with WAY more followers but I am pretty psyched about my 300 followers! I think I will add a prize to my giveaway! I will announce what I will be adding latter this evening! Keep an eye out.

<3 all="" br="" to="" y="">

Obsession with Evil

Somehow Hitler came up in conversation at work today, which always reminds me of my obsession with evil. I get off on the bad boys... and Im not talking like James Dean rebel without a cause bad boy, Im talking like... legitimate evil.

I have always rooted for the bad guy, in Phantom of the Opera, Christine should have ended up with the Phantom. Its just my particular bent  I  suppose. Something about evil, power and arrogance is just sexy. Not relationship material but fucking hot none the less.


I have never really stopped to examine this past a certain point, cause well fantasies exists as fantasies for a reason, and are rarely as good in reality as they are in our minds. Oh well... back to dreaming of strong hands, a wicked grin and world domination.

Book Review - A Princess Bound: Naught Fairy Tales for Women

A Princess Bound is an absolutely wonderful collection of naughty fairy tales wrapped up into one book.  Retellings of Little Red Riding Hood, Beauty and the Beast to less traditional stories about a beautiful selkie or Ravens becoming men. I wouldn't say this is specifically for women, as I really don't like making things gender specific like that, but these stories tend to have a more romantic bent, even with all the fucking.

I think my favorite out of the compilation was "The Smith Under the Hill" a woman in control, saving her brother, and ending up in love with a fairy Prince. Yeah. Im good with that, plus it was very reminiscent of  Holly Blacks "Tithe" and "Iron Side" which made me rather happy honestly, but I will go one about Holly Blacks trilogy at another time.

"Sealed" was also wonderful as it dealt pretty closely with old Irish mythology about selkies (a type of fairy, kind of mermaid ish.).

 The strong BDSM/Kink tones in the stories are not like in some anthologies I have read where the sex is so rough it is almost abusive and triggering. I very much enjoyed the overall feel of the book and the stories we compelling for the most part. This, I have a feeling, will end up being a book I lend out and not get back. I know I enjoyed it.

Past - A Note on Safer Sex

So we have all heard "There is no such things as safe sex, abstinence is the only way to protect yourself 100%" and while  this may be true, but there are ways to reduce the risk of disease transmission and prevent pregnancy.

On the note of pregnancy prevention, there are as many choices and options as there are stars in the heavens (for women) Everything from natural family planning methods to sterilization! Male birth controls have been in the works for years but nothing has been set in stone or ground breaking.  Not as many options exists for the prevention of disease transmission. You really only have barriers. Condoms (Both male and female), Gloves, and dental dams. Luckily these are all pretty easy to come across.

Testing regularly is also a good idea. I have a full STD Panel done once a year and again if I am changing partners.

My current partner and I are fluid bonded, and have been for 10 years. (Meaning we have exchanged bodily fluids). Now this only protects us if we use a barriers with other partners and if we are open and honest about who we are sleeping with etc. This also (obviously) doesn't protect against pregnancy. Currently since we are 18 hours away from each other, we are not really concerned with pregnancy prevention, but I prefer a natural planning method that utilizes things like you basal body temp, the consistency of your cervical mucus and keeping track of your period to predict ovulation, and your fertile/not fertile days.

So what are your thoughts on safer sex?

Consent.

Consent -

1. To give assent, as to the proposal of another; agree.

What consent is - Saying yes

What Consent is NOT - No, not tonight, maybe, saying yes then changing your mind, not saying no, being drunk, kissing someone, being nice, flirting, a short skirt, tight jeans, etc etc etc...

Why is consent important? Why do I think consent is important? Consent is important because if NOTHING else it is a way to avoid misunderstandings. It protects all parties involved. Consent may not always be sexy but it should always be the most important thing you have.

Excerpt from "The Rose Garden: A Collection vol. 1"

From "Girls Only"

Finally alone in their tent Rayne couldn’t keep her hands off of Bri, she wound her fingers in the hair and pulled her close, kissing her lips hard. Bri moaned against the other girls mouth as if to beg for more. The kisses trailed across Bri’s chin and down her neck as Rayne pushed her coat off and lifted at the bottom of her shirt. 


Dont forget to enter the giveaway for a chance to win a copy of The Rose Garden: A Collection vol. 1

It's live!

The Rose Garden: A Collection by Rose Thorne http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00WEXR90A/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_VNsnvb1KA358X

Giveaway!

I decided to give away 2 copies of my book. Enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Kindle

So I think I am going to just self publish my set of short erotic stories.

Amazon will let you put them out on Kindle ...

ANYWAYS...

The Rose Garden Vol 1 will be available for pre-order  (probably monday)

I am super super super excited about this, it will only be avail on Kindle for now but if it does well hopefully we can get picked up or I can get some hard copies published...


Actually, who would be interested in a hard copy giveaway? Like I can look into ordering 1 or 2 and hosting a giveaway??? Signed copy ;)

Mabry

Coffee, sex toys,  and a kitty. Perfect Sunday says Mabry.

Recently Mabry decided she also wanted to start blogging and writing reviews. So we are working on getting her set up with her own computer ;) 

Delta of Venus - Erotica by Anais Nin

The "Delta of Venus" is a collection of stories all linked together. The collection was published after Anais Nin's death in 1977.

The stories re all linked starting with the character "The Baron" ending with "Marcel".

Anais's writing is not that of soft fantasies, some of the stories are dark even cruel in nature. The stories of  Delta of Venus were written for a collector who told her to "Leave out the poetry". I don't see that having been done here. The Delta of Venus is the first bit of her writing that I had actually read and I am in love with the woman and her writing. It has something that a lot of writers seem to lack in modern erotica.

The preface of the collection is selections from The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume III  detailing the time period in which the stories were written and the circumstances, which seemed unfavorable at best.

Published by Tess Press

Why....

do i want to be in porn?

I keep getting asked this, I was talking to the husband about it last night. Someone asked me what my dream job would be and I said "Housewife/stay at home mom/porn star" which got laughs, but seriously, that's kind of my dream job. I mean throw accomplished writer in there too and it would be perfect. The follow up question is always "Why?" and not why do I want to be a mom/stay at home wife but why porn?

I guess it has to do with the fact that I like sex, that I want to change the industry to something more positive, that I like the money (not as great as you think kids) that I want body positivity to play more of a role in the industry. I want to make a difference in other people sex lives.

I know that I want to see more women like myself out there, curvy, "normal" tattoo'd women. I want to see more respect towards the female cast. I want to be a part of that change. Plus... I like sex.

Top 5: My Top 5 Fantasies

A top 5 of my favorite fantasies - some realistic some not so much

1 - Demons
      So I am sure that I deleted the post where I talked about my obsession with evil and how much it turns me on. I have dreams on the regular of a strong demon taking me with little to no regard for how I feel about the situation.

2 - Being worshiped.
      What woman doesn't want to be an object of desire and the center of attention.

3 - MMF 3some
      This one is pretty inline with the above, but also the element of having 2 cocks instead of one... 2 dominant men.... 2 sets of hands... 2 mouths... mmmmmmmmm

4 - Being Used
      Now this one is really a fantasy, I wouldn't ACTUALLY want to be used and abused then left, but the idea of  it is rather hot. I generally picture a strong male lead, lots of oral and a fast hard fuck before being left to ponder what had happened.

5 - The Boss
      I have fantasized more than once about sleeping with the boss, whether it be for a promotion or just the torrid affair, sweeping the contents of a desk top to the floor and fucking hard and fast before we get caught.


Something that is a constant theme in my fantasies is male dominance. While I do have a sadistic streak a mile wide and like to make boys cry, I just prefer my sex to be male dominated.

Book review: Cover him with Darkness

 

What can I say about this.... this book was hot. I have ALWAYS had a thing for demons so this was an amazing read for me. I finished it in one day lol, at work. Yes I was reading smutty books at work again. Cover him is about Milja, a girl with a religious background, a priest for a father and a demon in the dark.Milja grew up with a family secret, and as her father is dying she lets that secret free. 

Most of the sex is dream sequence, and domination centered.It was hard for me not to wander off to the ladies room to take care of the need to get off. 

I really recommend checking this one out if you like erotic romances and blasphemy.

Book Review: Confessions of a Working Girl: A True Story by Miss S

I stumbled upon this one at Barnes and Noble about a year ago, having been watching "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" starring Billie Piper, I was rather intrigued. I shoved my card at the woman behind the counter who gave me a dirty look. I had been frequenting the Cheyenne WY B&N for a couple weeks now for coffee and their wi-fi and I wasn't a staff favorite I suspected.

I took the book and plopped down in the over-sized chair to read it, got through the first few chapters then abandoned it on the drive back to Colorado forgetting about the book for a number of months.

I picked it up again yesterday, taking it to work with me to fill in the void between calls at my, unusually quiet call center. I finished it today before lunch.

I was very pleased with how easy the book was to read, not in content but in I couldn't put it down. I have always been interested in what it was like to work in a brothel and Miss S doesn't blow smoke up your ass about what her experience was like. It was a nice read that went by all too quickly for me. The end of the book also has some sex tips and tips for working in a brothel/as a sex worker. All in all a compelling read and was worth picking up.

I do recommend picking this one up if you like Belle De Jour/Secret Diary

From Amazon Description:
"A university art student with rent money due, she spots an ad for a different type of student job - in a brothel. Offered a job on the spot, Miss S is amazed by her new working world. Suddenly, she can earn enough money doing something she is good at and get all the sex she needs."

Published Sept 1 2008

Not poly, just slutty.

And I don't mean slutty negatively ... at all. There is NOTHING wrong with being slutty.

So I have spent the last year in a mono relationship with my husband, after us starting the relationship as members of a polycule. And I have figure out... Im not poly. I think I need to back up a bit...

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when I was about 18. Many of the symptoms of BPD (*Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use *Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless  *Fear of being alone *Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing) cause me to place a lot into other people for my self esteem, and I have balanced a lot and I mean A LOT of my self worth on sex and whether or not people want to have sex with me, find me sexually attractive or even remotely interesting. This has led me to looking outside of my relationships for that attention. I cheated... a lot.

 Now, when I realized that I did look outside of my relationships,I talked to my partners and we decided that a poly/open relationship was a good choice, and I was able to maintain a few poly relationships till the fear of abandonment caught up with me and I was convinced that my primary partner was going to leave me so I would FREAK out with jealousy and rage and not be able to cope with my life anymore. This is what happened with my most recent relationship. Luckily it worked out for the best for S and I, but it could have ended VERY badly. It turns out that I am a very jealous person when the crazy kicks in.

I thought that being poly would help/fix things, but it just delayed the inevitable. Im not poly, Im just slutty, and there's nothing wrong with this. I make a conscious effort everyday NOT to stray from my relationship parameters and so far we are doing well in that area.  I make a decision every day to recognize that my self worth doesn't come from the attention of others. Everyday I wake up and remind myself that my husband loves me, hes not going to leave (at least not anytime soon) and that I am worthy of his love. Sometimes I do want to stray, I do want the attention of someone else, more often than not I just want a shiny new toy that I know I will get bored with soon after acquiring it, then go crawling back to my partner. Instead of making that choice I choose to just write about torrid fictional affairs... it helps.

 I do still believe that I am capable of loving more than one person at a time, but I don't feel that I can maintain more than one romantic relationship at a time.

I would like to note that this is only MY journey with polyamory, should not be considered a blanket opinion on polyamory nor as a judgement against others. I am very supportive of the poly community and will continue to be. <8 b="">

Short Story - Home Coming by Rhiannon Bowen-Mackey (Rose Thornes)

Homecoming...

 His fingers trailed down her body as she laid there watching him. She had agonized about this  moment for weeks, months even. She wanted this so, much she couldn't even think straight the last days before he got there. Her pussy would ache just at the thought of his touch and her heart would break thinking about him leaving again.

 They had be separated for a year now by the better part of the country, he had moved away when he joined the military. She loved him so very deeply and now he was back in her arms. She smiled down at him as he laid sweet kisses across her belly as he moved down her body. As he reached the line of her underwear he looked up at her with that wicked grin she had grown accustom to over the years.

 She watched him as he hooked his fingers into the line of her panties and slowly pulled them down her hips and off of her legs. Slowly he kissed back up the inside of her thigh and lays the sweetest, most gentle kiss on her lips before slowly probing her with this rough wanton tongue. Rose arches her back at his touch and a soft moan escapes her lips. Too long has she waited for this, quickly growing impatient she bucks her hips against his movements drawing closer to the first orgasm. The white light behind her eyes was blinding as she came. He groaned as he lapped up her sweet juices.

 Jay moved and positioned himself above her ready to enter her with his large cock. She never realized how much she could miss one man's member so much. Her hips lifted as he slid into her tight waiting pussy. His movements were slow and deliberate. She wanted him to move faster inside her, she was hungry for him and needed to him just let go and take her, Rose moved her hips in time with his, as their pace increased so did the warmth in her belly and the aching need for a second climax. The sweat glistened on their skin during their lustful dance, she was so close to reaching the point of no return when he stopped pulling out coaxing her to flip onto her hands and knees reentering her roughly with the passions high. Jay pounded into her fast and hard now both moaning loudly and screaming. God she missed this. Soon they were both coming together, as they collapsed into a heap on the bed she cooed sweetly at him and kissed his forehead.

 “Welcome Home...”

They laid there together for some time just enjoying each others company. After a bit Rose sat up and smiled down at Jay.

           "Should we go grab some dinner babe?" She asked sweetly. She watched as he mulled it over in his head, he nodded and stood pulling on his jeans and t-shirt. his arms encircled her waist and he pulled her close kissing her neck.

           "But only if I get you for desert!" He whispered against her neck. He knees felt weak all over again, Rose giggled and nodded. 

No sex drive

For the last few weeks I have been dealing with the fact that I have had no sex drive what so ever. It sucks! I feel terrible, like I am neglecting my hubby. He is being as understanding as he can but I know he is frustrated too since I have no idea what is going on. I figure it has to do with depression and stress.

What I have found that helps is catching him earlier in the day, not just at bedtime. By the time we are crawling into bed I have no desire to do anything but sleep. Also watching porn together has been helpful, Im not sure that its the porn itself or just the both of us working together on a common goal lol.

Mornings are the worst, as I am waking up is not the time I am wanting to be grabbed at and groped lol. I just want my coffee so I can get ready to go to work. I am NOT a morning person at all.

On the upside things seem to be getting better for me, I am not as put off by the idea of having sex so that is a major bonus. I am looking at going back on anti-depressants as well which should help a great deal.

How do you combat no sex drive??

wishin and hopin and dreamin

Ugh wishing I hadn't deleted all of my old posts... never getting those back.

So I am back... in all of my former glory *cough cough* or something.

I am making content again.

I am still head covering however, it is a way to separate my lives out. Keeping my home and married life out of my porn life (For the most part). I have really missed writing and talking to people. I have missed giving advise. I have missed posting pics for you. I have missed it all and I am back.

If you dont already, follow me on twitter @RosesThornes

Water collection for my raised garden bed

This morning i was inspired to create a rain water collector fir my garden bed, basically all it is is a hove bottle with a funnel, and holes drilled in the bottle. 

I plan on burying it most of the way in the garden, so the funnel will collect watery into the bottle which will then slowly release the rain water into the surrounding soil.  I will probably make a few different versions of this to place throughout my boxes and try to rig up some other versions for the green house.

Journey

I am seriously thinking about writing more about my spiritual journey up till now and through confirmation? I want to share with the other women in the world my path, what has brought me to where I am now.

I keep seeing more posts about women who get naked to reclaim their bodies, and I am doing the opposite, I am covering up. I spent 10 years working (off and on) in the adult industry, in this way being naked/ uncovered is not a way for me to reclaim my body for me. Covering it all up has given me peace, and made me feel special again. I feel that my husband respects me more, I feel better about who I am as a person and I feel a closer connection to my spirituality.

I am a tatted up former sex worker who left the Church at about age 13. I started going back to Mass Dec 2013. I started covering my head full time Dec 2014. I am starting to go to RCIA on Monday evenings. I feel much more fulfilled since I started on this path than I had in many many years. I'm not really ashamed of my past even though at time I do feel awkward around other religious folks.

It's not typical for a catholic woman to wear her hair covered at all times, or even during mass these days, but there is a movement of women in the Church who have taken up the veil again for Mass and even those of us who wear a covering full time. I choose to cover full time even though its not prescribed by the religion. Covering and modest dress have become a way for me to connect with my spirituality. I cleaned out my closet and got rid of a few items that were just, well nothing I wanted to be seen in public wearing again... The attention I once received from men has almost completely diminished. I am no longer stared at and leered at. I don't see people walking into walls because they were busy staring at my chest, and I see how this is affecting my husband. He seems happier, more secure in our marriage, and I suppose just more at peace. I feel that it has changed the nature of our relationship for the best. I no longer feel sexualized by every person I come into contact with.

When I started covering just a little over a month ago, it was only when I was leaving the house, it has become so natural for me to just be covered that even when I take my scarves off I end up putting on a wide headband or slouchy hat. Removing the distraction of constant attention and sexualization from others, I have been able to focus on my spiritual life and on working on me. I pray now, I attend mass regularly, and because Im not focused on everything else I can focus on my relationship with G-d and with my spouse.