I am seriously thinking about writing more about my spiritual journey up
till now and through confirmation? I want to share with the other women
in the world my path, what has brought me to where I am now.
I
keep seeing more posts about women who get naked to reclaim their
bodies, and I am doing the opposite, I am covering up. I spent 10 years
working (off and on) in the adult industry, in this way being naked/
uncovered is not a way for me to reclaim my body for me. Covering it all
up has given me peace, and made me feel special again. I feel that my
husband respects me more, I feel better about who I am as a person and I
feel a closer connection to my spirituality.
I am a
tatted up former sex worker who left the Church at about age 13. I
started going back to Mass Dec 2013. I started covering my head full
time Dec 2014. I am starting to go to RCIA on Monday evenings. I feel
much more fulfilled since I started on this path than I had in many many
years. I'm not really ashamed of my past even though at time I do feel
awkward around other religious folks.
It's not
typical for a catholic woman to wear her hair covered at all times, or
even during mass these days, but there is a movement of women in the
Church who have taken up the veil again for Mass and even those of us
who wear a covering full time. I choose to cover full time even though
its not prescribed by the religion. Covering and modest dress have
become a way for me to connect with my spirituality. I cleaned out my
closet and got rid of a few items that were just, well nothing I wanted
to be seen in public wearing again... The attention I once received from
men has almost completely diminished. I am no longer stared at and
leered at. I don't see people walking into walls because they were busy
staring at my chest, and I see how this is affecting my husband. He
seems happier, more secure in our marriage, and I suppose just more at
peace. I feel that it has changed the nature of our relationship for the
best. I no longer feel sexualized by every person I come into contact
with.
When I started covering just a little over a month
ago, it was only when I was leaving the house, it has become so natural
for me to just be covered that even when I take my scarves off I end up
putting on a wide headband or slouchy hat. Removing the distraction of
constant attention and sexualization from others, I have been able to
focus on my spiritual life and on working on me. I pray now, I attend
mass regularly, and because Im not focused on everything else I can
focus on my relationship with G-d and with my spouse.
