Journey

I am seriously thinking about writing more about my spiritual journey up till now and through confirmation? I want to share with the other women in the world my path, what has brought me to where I am now.

I keep seeing more posts about women who get naked to reclaim their bodies, and I am doing the opposite, I am covering up. I spent 10 years working (off and on) in the adult industry, in this way being naked/ uncovered is not a way for me to reclaim my body for me. Covering it all up has given me peace, and made me feel special again. I feel that my husband respects me more, I feel better about who I am as a person and I feel a closer connection to my spirituality.

I am a tatted up former sex worker who left the Church at about age 13. I started going back to Mass Dec 2013. I started covering my head full time Dec 2014. I am starting to go to RCIA on Monday evenings. I feel much more fulfilled since I started on this path than I had in many many years. I'm not really ashamed of my past even though at time I do feel awkward around other religious folks.

It's not typical for a catholic woman to wear her hair covered at all times, or even during mass these days, but there is a movement of women in the Church who have taken up the veil again for Mass and even those of us who wear a covering full time. I choose to cover full time even though its not prescribed by the religion. Covering and modest dress have become a way for me to connect with my spirituality. I cleaned out my closet and got rid of a few items that were just, well nothing I wanted to be seen in public wearing again... The attention I once received from men has almost completely diminished. I am no longer stared at and leered at. I don't see people walking into walls because they were busy staring at my chest, and I see how this is affecting my husband. He seems happier, more secure in our marriage, and I suppose just more at peace. I feel that it has changed the nature of our relationship for the best. I no longer feel sexualized by every person I come into contact with.

When I started covering just a little over a month ago, it was only when I was leaving the house, it has become so natural for me to just be covered that even when I take my scarves off I end up putting on a wide headband or slouchy hat. Removing the distraction of constant attention and sexualization from others, I have been able to focus on my spiritual life and on working on me. I pray now, I attend mass regularly, and because Im not focused on everything else I can focus on my relationship with G-d and with my spouse.